I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
