dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Randomize
