We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Randomize
