I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I still have a little drunk in my system
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
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