after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
