NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
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