I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
I skipped work to stalk him.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
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