I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Randomize
