You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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