Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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