guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
