Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
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