I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
