She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
