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Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
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