FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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