The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Is it penis luge time yet?
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Randomize
