I'm lost and stupid without you.
Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Randomize
