Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Your cock deserves a montage
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Randomize
