Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
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