I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
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