Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Randomize
