Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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