Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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