my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
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