how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
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