it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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