she was so not down for the gang bang
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
