and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Randomize
