If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
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