hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I deserve this hangover.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Randomize
