My friends, they love my intelligence
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Randomize
