i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Randomize
