why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
So many bounce houses so little time
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Randomize
