Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
