I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Sext me about skeletons
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
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