i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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