Small penises have feelings too.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Randomize
