We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
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