the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Randomize
