the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize