I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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