oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
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