I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
