I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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