hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
