Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Randomize
