Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Randomize
