It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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