Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Randomize
