I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
