Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
