I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Randomize
