im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
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