ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Randomize
