Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
We left an ass print on the piano.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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