I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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