Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
