I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize
