i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
