I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Randomize
