apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Randomize
