You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
