Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
