Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Randomize
