Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Randomize