My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
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