Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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