Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
Farmville is her only friend.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
