theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Randomize
