I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
He keeps bees of course he's weird
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Randomize
