I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
Randomize
