turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
My liver just had a heart attack.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Randomize
