I think I died a long time ago.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Panties = found
Randomize
