pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
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